Move over Marvel—Trump just assembled his own Hollywood A-team. President-elect Donald Trump has named Jon Voight, Mel Gibson, and Sylvester Stallone as his “Special Ambassadors” to Hollywood. Yep, you read that right. This unexpected anti-woke dream team is here to save the American film industry, which Trump has dubbed a “great but very troubled place.” He has the audacity to say this but wherever he lives is a troubled place. An immoral little man calling Hollywood troubled is disturbing.

Why Hollywood Needs Saving

According to Trump, Hollywood’s golden days are long gone, and he’s out to bring them back—complete with red carpets and box office hits. His plan? Lean on Voight, Gibson, and Stallone to be his “eyes and ears” in the industry and shake things up. But let’s be clear, these dudes are irrelevant to Hollywood. Mel Gibson is a disgusting racist and alcoholic, allegedly; but Trump gives him some nonsensical ambassadorship.

The Mission:

• Stop Hollywood jobs from going overseas.
• Reclaim the industry’s lost sparkle (no, not the Twilight kind).
• Usher in a “Golden Age of Hollywood” like it’s the roaring ‘20s again. This sounds like utter bull sh*t.

The Cast: Trump’s Dream Team

Jon Voight: The Veteran

• Known for Midnight Cowboy and Ray Donovan.
• Trump superfan with credentials like the National Medal of the Arts (2019) and a stint at the Kennedy Center.
• Let’s just say Voight’s loyalty to Trump runs deeper than a method actor’s immersion.
• All sleaze balls flock together.

Mel Gibson: The Maverick

• Directed and starred in Braveheart and The Passion of the Christ.
• Famously saluted Trump at a UFC fight in 2021.
• With Gibson on board, expect some gritty, drama-filled action behind the scenes.
• Engaged in a drunken rant telling a woman that he hopes she is r@ped by a group of n!ggas with big d*cks.

Sylvester Stallone: The Underdog

• You know him as Rocky and Rambo—the ultimate comeback king.
• He’s called Trump a modern-day George Washington. Bold move, Sly.
• Could Stallone knock out Hollywood’s issues like a heavyweight champ? Time will tell.
• Let’s hope we can understand at least a few words while he is giving speeches.

Hollywood’s Current Plot Twist

Hollywood’s drama isn’t just on the big screen. The industry’s been through the wringer lately:

• Pandemic Blues: COVID hit harder than a box office bomb, shutting down productions and killing ticket sales.
• Striking Out: The 2023 writers’ and actors’ strikes threw a major wrench in filming schedules.
• Natural Disasters: California wildfires made filming locations hotter than a Michael Bay explosion.
• Of course these three nimrods won’t be able to help with these problems, but Trump is easily manipulated into friendship if you give him enough compliments.

What’s Next? Action or Hype?

Trump’s Hollywood ambassadors may be short on specifics, but the intent is clear: bring the glitz and glam back stateside, and hopefully Trump scams his cult followers into filling his coffers. The real question is whether Voight, Gibson, and Stallone can pull off a blockbuster revival—or if this will be another sequel no one asked for. In reality, the geriatric goon squad will not serve in a professional or political capacity.

What to Watch For:

• Policies that push studios to film in the U.S.
• Big-budget productions making a comeback.
• The new Trump-Hollywood narrative: drama or feel-good flick?
• Donald Trump is about to destroy every industry in the United States because there are weak immoral men who will sell their parents up the river to be near the devil.

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